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Mostly for Watashi no Ane, but for others too... - "If I were a rabbit, where would I keep my gloves?" [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
The White Rabbit

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Mostly for Watashi no Ane, but for others too... [Jun. 4th, 2008|01:18 am]
The White Rabbit
Tonight at work: my first emergency.
A man had a seizure, stopped breathing, lost pulse, died, was revived, died, was revived, regained conciousness, was wanting to get back in the water when EMS arrived.
I was 3rd on the scene. Got the trauma bag, prepared AED and connected it to the victim. Ran out of things to do and resorted to crowd control. They told me I turned bright red and looked like I was in shock. Didn't say a word for half an hour. The free Diet Coke helped. 
The worst part was that I felt like I hadn't done ANYTHING. Like nothing I did made any difference. Mom said I was like "a leg of a table...no one is more important that the other"  and explained to me why I felt this way:

Your life changes when you're totally prepared to save someone's life but can't do ANYTHING. It's happenned to me twice.
The first time I was trapped in a van while the driver died outside the door, pinning me into the vehicle. Today was the second time. No wonder I feel so fucked up in my head. 

I have to work in 4 hours but I can't seem to sleep. I'm fucked up in the head at this point. Maybe it's the post-traumatic-stress-beers but I don't thinks I'll be in the best shape for a while.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: little_skooky
2008-06-05 10:00 pm (UTC)
I am so proud of you, honey. Whether you feel like you played an important part or not, you helped save that guy's life. No one can predict something like that happening, and I'm sure that man is thanking every star in the sky that he had competant people taking care of him every step of the way.
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[User Picture]From: pinknoose
2008-06-06 12:51 am (UTC)
Wow, that was a really emo post, ne? Sorry about that, it was the first time I'd been alone that whole day and I overthought everything...I'm in much better shape now but I really needed a full day off. I think it was just that I've never seen anything like that in my life, and I've only been there for a handfull of pull-outs. Thanks for being such a great support. I'm glad I get to be your tag-along ^_^
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